


Keep Me A Secret, Keep Me Out Of Your Arms

by tardiscrashing



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 04:05:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardiscrashing/pseuds/tardiscrashing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn often sleeps in Liam's bed. But there was one time Liam asked him to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Me A Secret, Keep Me Out Of Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Keep Me A Secret" by Ainslie Henderson

Liam felt the bed shift underneath him, the warm body pressing against his own, and the familiar arms slinking around his torso. 

“Cold?” He asked, offering the blanket.

“No I’m okay.” Came Zayn’s reply. “Just wanted to see you.”

“You’ve been in here every night this week.” It wasn’t a complaint so much as a statement. Being on the road could be lonely, even though you were crammed in a bus with other people all day. He did miss Danielle and the way she smelled like waterfalls right after a shower. “I’m getting to be a habit.”

“I should kick these cigarettes and take up you.” Zayn quirked.

Liam laughed, but he wasn’t sure why, he felt a bit nervous. 

They heard scuffling from another bed. Niall tended to kick in his sleep, and so no one ever crawled in to sleep with him. Harry tried once and nearly got a black eye. Louis slept small, curled up, hugging pillows, sometimes buried under the blankets like a cat. Harry would get in with him on long drive nights and Liam never asked, but he was sure they did more in that bunk than sleeping. That was probably who he was hearing.

“Are you okay? You want me to go?” Zayn asked.

“No. No it’s fine. Just um…can we switch sides? I like to be on the right.”

“Oh sure.” 

Liam pulled the blankets back and swung his legs over Zayn to move to the other side of the bed, stopping to look down at him as he was straddling. Zayn’s skin looked all golden-bronze in the half-light coming through the window, peering up at Liam through his lashes. Liam gulped, ignoring the shiver that ran through him. 

“I still get to be the big spoon, right Li?” Zayn asked with a smirk.

“Just for tonight.” Liam said, nuzzling back into the warm curve of Zayn’s body.

~~~

It was a dreary cold afternoon in London. Not at all the way Liam wanted to spend his week off before getting back on the road. He hadn’t left his room all day, only to get food, and pile it around him like he was hoarding it for the winter. His TV was switched to the films channel and he had been marathoning Marvel movies all day. And now, even though it was only 5:30, he was starting to doze off.

His eyes kept unfocusing, and he would shake his head trying his best to stay awake and finish the movie. He fell asleep somewhere between Thor and Spiderman, and when he woke another figure had nestled themselves under the blankets with him, sharing the edge of his pillow.

“Hi Zayn.” Liam greeted him, he knew immediately who his bed visitor was. 

“Hi Li. Sorry your bed just looked really cozy, and well the movie was still on.”

“Did you even watch the movie?” Liam asked, propping up on his elbow.

Zayn averted his eyes, “No.” 

“Well since you’re here, you might as well stay. Pass me the remote?” Liam asked. Zayn reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the control, then handing it to Liam. “I think there’s an Indiana Jones film on. Want to watch that?”

“You do what you want. I’m going to nap.” Zayn replied, burrowing back into the pillows.

Liam smiled, laughing under his breath at the site of Zayn’s messy dark hair contrasting against the pillow. He switched on Indiana Jones, and pulled the blankets up further over both of them. 

~~~

Zayn had decided to follow Liam back to his hotel room, noticing that he seemed a bit upset at the after party, and had even seemed a bit off during the show. Liam was ignoring him, even tried to shut the door on him before he could get inside.

“Liam, I want to talk. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You know you can tell me anything.”

“Well I don’t want too. Alright Zayn?” Liam held the door open still, indicating to Zayn that he wanted him to go. 

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.” Zayn folded his arms sternly across his chest.

“Grab a blanket then, because I’m not talking.” 

Liam didn’t even bother changing, just toed off his shoes and flopped down on top of the covers. Zayn stood near the end of the bed, waiting a moment, and then crawled in beside him. He lied a bit uncomfortably on the pillow, casting his eyes over at his best friend. 

“You might as well say something man, I told you I’m not leaving.”

Liam sighed, rolling over and burying his face in Zayn’s shoulder.

“Dani broke up with me. Earlier over the phone. She said there’s too much drama to deal with, I’m never around, all the hate she gets on twitter…I guess I should be grateful she stayed with me this long.”

“Liam…this isn’t your fault.” Zayn said, reaching to pet his friend’s hair.

“I don’t want to think about it right now. I just want to sleep, okay Zayn?”

“Sure.” Zayn made to move, but Liam’s grip on his shirt sleeve was firm. “You want me to stay?”

Liam was quiet, but he tugged again at Zayn’s shirt and didn’t let go until the other boy was nestled down beside him, burrowed into the same creaky mattress.

~~~

The gaps in between the girls were usually spent with Zayn. The other boys knew, though Liam never told them. He didn’t really need too. They all saw how they were. Everyone saw. Their twitters would be bombarded with comments like “Wow Liam and Zayn sure are coupley lately” and “Liam and Zayn have that ‘just been fucked’ look.” There was no use telling them to tone it down, Zayn’s love for Liam had sort of been on loudspeaker since they met.

This particular night, Niall happened to notice Zayn’s bunk was empty, and with Liam’s curtains already drawn well, it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. 

There was a bit of scuffling. Giggling. Someone moaned. Someone kissed someone. He could hear that wet smacking noise. There was more moaning. Liam whispered Zayn’s name. And at that Niall couldn’t help but sigh. 

“Niall, what are you doing?” Liam’s voice came, “I can see your feet. Just standing there.”

Niall froze. He hadn’t meant to get up in listening to his friends foreplay. That was a bit weird. But since he was here. Niall crouched down and pulled back Liam’s curtain. Just as he suspected, Zayn was there on the other side of Liam reclined back on the pillow, blanket low enough that Niall could tell he was sans pants. 

“Question is, what are you two doing?”

“Talking.” Liam said.

“Haven’t heard much talking.”

“Stop eavesdropping Niall. Some people like to be private.” Zayn said.

“You two do what you like.” Niall said, standing to walk away, “Just don’t be disappointed when he doesn’t fall in love with you.”

He didn’t say any names, but Zayn knew. Clutched at the pillow so hard his knuckles went white. Liam’s hand fell on his arm and he looked up.

“You okay? You want to um…continue?” Zayn grinned.

“No. Actually I’m tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep.”

“Here?”

“Yeah.” Zayn nodded, “That is…if you want.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I want you to stay.”

Though neither Liam nor Zayn would actually fall asleep for a while, they were both quiet in Liam’s bed the rest of the night.

~~~  
Sophia came out of nowhere.

She was an old school friend Liam said. She was pretty and elegant and funny. Charmed all the other boys right away. Kept secretive enough that the fans were interested, but not prying. She of course was Liam’s date to their big events. Some nights Zayn barely saw Liam. A wave through the mass of people, Sophia clutched on his arm, smiling ever so subtly that sometimes Zayn wasn’t sure if it was a ‘proud of Liam’ smile, or a ‘proud of herself’ smile.

This night, he had gotten in the car with the two of them afterwards and Sophia had been dropped off first. She gave Liam a rather showy kiss before getting out of the car, smiled that smile, and then nodded at Zayn before exiting.

“You going home or staying at mine?” Liam asked.

“Uh…I’ll stay at yours. Sure.” Zayn replied.

And so the driver took them both back to Liam’s place. 

Liam started to undress almost as soon as he was in the door. Liam never turned the lights on, just dropped his clothes on the floor as he went and practically fell into his bed. Zayn didn’t say a word and simply followed. 

He started to undress too once he was in the room. Crawled up into Liam’s bed and pulled his shirt and tie off, letting it fall to the ground in a pile. Liam already had his face buried in his pillow. Zayn watched him silently as he continued undressing, smiling to himself. He pulled himself over and got right up against Liam’s back. 

The older boy sat up. 

“Zayn, don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what? Don’t cuddle you? I always cuddle with you when we share a bed.”

“Well, maybe we shouldn’t share a bed.” Liam pulled his covers up further, eyes serious as he looked at Zayn. Zayn sat up, leaning back on his heels and watching Liam intently. The two boys were quiet, just watching each other. Zayn licked at his lips, casting his eyes away. 

“Liam, I don’t understand. Is this because of Sophia? Did she say something?”

“No.” Liam looked taken aback. 

“Well it’s not like we didn’t do this when you were dating Dani. So what happened? Why can’t I share a bed with my best friend?”

“Why are you so bothered about this? It’s just sleeping. Go sleep on the couch.”

“I don’t sleep on the couch Li! I never sleep on the couch, or in my bunk, or in my hotel room! I sleep with you! And now you’re telling me I can’t! Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

Zayn felt like he was waiting forever. Like his heart was going to burn a hole through his chest. He could feel tears stinging at the corner of his eyes. Liam’s heart was racing, he felt like Zayn could see it. He wanted him to stay. He did. He wanted him to stay so much, that he was going to make him leave. 

“You need to go.”

“Liam.”

“I don’t want you in my room Zayn. “ Liam climbed out of bed and went to scoop up Zayn’s discarded clothes, shoving them into his arms. 

“You don’t mean that.”

Liam forced back the tears, looking Zayn in the eye. He had already given up. His face streaked, his eyes looking lost and sad. Liam hated it. Couldn’t do it. Hated himself so much right now. But he couldn’t let Zayn stay. He couldn’t take this ‘not-a-relationship’ thing that they had anymore. Like he was being tugged in two directions, but Zayn was usually the one to give in. Liam didn’t want him to give in. Liam wanted all or nothing.

“Please, go. I can’t do this.” 

To Zayn, Liam was safety. Liam was home and comfort and love without judgement. Liam was…Liam. 

After Liam shut the door as Zayn stood in the hallway, Zayn reached for the doorknob, and found it locked. He leaned his forehead against the cold hardwood, and watched the light under the doorway go dark.


End file.
